GIT-R-DONE!!! Well, I never thought I'd see $4 gas prices! I knew it was bad when 7 gallons of gas was the big prize on the showcase showdown on The Price Is Right... and the lady still UNDERBID! The good news is however my brother can't afford to drink and drive. Gas is so expensive now that instead of buying gas, arsonists now just go into abandon buildings with boom boxes and play "Fire" by the Ohio Players! Badabing! (I don't know if that's funny or not but we'll see on Thursday. I'll keep ya posted on the response.) By the way, I saw a bum standing next to a gas station with a sign that said "We'll work for food" and I got an idea... How about piggy back rides? You get a bum to piggy back ya to work and back for 5 bucks. Everybody wins. You save on gas and they got money for honey buns and smokes. By the way, last night I gave my wife a "piggy front" ride! Badaboing!!!

It's finally getting warm. I'll tell ya what, this Winter I was as frustrated as George Michael poopin' a friendship ring. It was one of the coldest ones record. It even snowed in Florida. Which was a weird coincidence because that meant Florida and my wife got up to 3 inches! But finally its warming up, so much so that a polar bear at the zoo begged me to shoot him. Anyway, that's what I told the cops! The only bad thing about it getting warmer is you'll have to hear Al Gore make his "human caused global warming" speeches. Where was that sumbitch when we were wiping with ice scrapers 2 weeks ago when we should have been having an enjoyable time outside gettin' light headed from blowin' up our swimming pools? I don't know what the C-O-2 level is but the BS level is higher than Amy Winehouse at the Grammys. This dude goes into hibernation from November through April and then after everybody is done digging outa snow drifts and blowdrying icycles off oranges he talks about how we're fitting to burn up. NASA said the temperature over the last hundred years has gone up 0.74 degrees. Has anyone really gone outside and thought, "call me crazy, but it feels three quarters of a degree hotter than it was last year!" Thank God for that 0.74 or the Winter would have really sucked! I wish it did raise a bunch then we'd all be red and wouldn't that be good for racial harmony? Okay, enough of this lengthy lecture, let's update...

Thanks for the nice e-mails on my weight loss. Nutrisystem has really helped me to feel better, keep my weight off, and to continue to achieve my goal weight. I really look different. Last week I was mistaken for Denzel Washington. Also, all those people that impersonate me all over the place and try to get free drinks in country bars and other establishments now have to lose 60 pounds to do it. Try Nutrisystem!

I'm working on another Christmas special to air on CMT in December. Tony Orlando once again will be my co-host and it'll be packed with a great mix of entertainers and funny stuff just like the last one. I really appreciate the fans for your support on these and because of the ratings we got another one so thanks! Glad ya like 'em.

The tour has been insane the past few months and thanks as always for the continued support. My Witless Protection DVD will be in stores on June 10th so run out and check out a very funny movie that I loved making with all those great actors and actresses. Also I'll update ya in a few and let ya know if the Arsonist "fire" joke got a laugh and also let ya know if it's snowing anywhere in May.

GIT-R-DONE!!!

Larry The Cable Guy